Mark Antonym

A good (read: funny) essay is really a priceless commodity for a teacher. The mere phrase "necklace drivers" was good enough to generate laughs for weeks on end. So, by extension, the real prize is something even longer--say, an essay--that retains throughout a delicious mixture of ridiculousness, obliviousness, and--crucially--poor editing.

On that note, what follows is one of the greatest essays I have ever or will ever come across as a professional educator.

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An Essay on Three Characters from Julius Caesar

"In Julius Caesar, there are 3 characters that have different effects on Rome. Mark Antonym is loyal to Rome and Julius Caesar. Caesar is a powerful leader. Brutus is duplicitous to Rome and Caesar. In Julius Caesar, there are 3 characters that are different in their own ways.

"Mark Antonym is the opposite of Brutus; Mark Antonym is loyal to Caesar and the people. One example is when Mark Antonym gave everybody money out of the Caesars’ will. Mark Antonym gives everybody a share of Caesar’s money. Mark Antonym wanted revenge for Caesars’ death so, he ordered 70-100 senators to be killed.

"Caesar is the most powerful person in Rome; he has a lot of control over Rome and the people. One example is how Caesar dies and Mark Antonym still tries to find his killer. Mark Antonym kills about 75 senators just to find Caesars killer. Another example is when Mark Antonym is frustrated about not finding his killer he said, “he will kill kids and mothers”. Mark Antonym is mad about not finding Caesars’ killer and he says he will kill everybody.

"Caesar is the most powerful person in this book. An example of this is how Caesar has everybody loyal to him. Mark Antonym is willing to kill 75 people. Another example of Caesar being to powerful is when Cassius and Brutus kill Caesar, because he is above them a they hate on him because of his power.

"In conclusion all of these characters (Brutus, Caesar, Mark Antonym) have different effects on Rome. In this book Mark Antonym is loyal to Rome and Caesar. Caesar had a lot of control and power over Rome and his people. Brutus was disloyal to Caesar. Ultimately all of these characters effected Rome in different ways."

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I hope Jason Landry's work serves as a reminder that Spell Check is, in many ways, imperfect, and that Spell-Check-and-Replace-All is an even more dangerous tool. On the other hand, if it means the end for the Mark Antonyms of the world, I'd just as soon no student ever take notice of this.

Move along, nothing to see here.