Is today the 29th?

This happened, obviously, two days ago.


Student [Cathy Brooks]: "Is today the 29th?"

Me: "I believe so."

Cathy: "Is today the 29th?"

I check my watch. "Yes."

Cathy: "It’s the 29th?"

Me: "It is."

Cathy: "It’s the 29th."

Silence.

Cathy: "Dang I thought it was the 28th. It’s the 29th. I been puttin’ 28th on
all my papers."


Later, a different student, who was sitting across from Cathy :


"Is Friday Halloween? Ah, so today's the 29th."

Family Counseling

As a teacher, I try a lot of new seating arrangements and I constantly draw up new seating charts. Most students are indignant when this happens, but some are merely bemused. Take Monique Brown.


Monique: "Mr. Vonn are you like, incredibly bored at home?"

Me: "Yep. That's what I am."

Monique: "I'm serious Mr. Vonn you need stuff to do at home, all you do is sit around and think of seating charts."

Me: "I like trying new things."

Monique: "You need some kids, Mr. Vonn."

I laugh.

Monique: "I'm serious Mr. Vonn! You need some kids at home to keep you busy."

Me: "I'll bring it up with my wife."


Point!

School Spirit

Whilst perusing the School News portion of our SchoolLoop site, I randomly clicked on this lovely item.

"Choir Concert"

School Librarian: "Applause to the Washington High School Choirs!!! The Choir Concert was Awesome!!! Ladies and Gentlemen you did such a great job!"

Student response: "i know i did good cant say the same about some other people"

Umbrella

Me, looking out the window at some ominous clouds: "Hm, is it supposed to rain today?"

Alan Lackey: "I dunno Mr. Vonn but if it does you can stand under my umber-ella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh."

Oy

I think at this point it goes without saying that homophobia (from my vantage point) is regrettably not on the decline.

Upon completion of Lord of the Flies, I tried an exercise wherein we discussed what we liked and disliked about the book. From my Honors class, I received generally sound responses. One kid praised the book's message but decried the violence Golding used to express the theme. (This is the same kid who, when asked what the pig's head symbolized, remarked, "I think it symbolizes their descent into wickedness..." He went on to compare the island to the Garden of Eden, unprompted. No joke.)

Anyway, the last reason proffered--a vote for the "dislike" column--came from Nathan Brier.


Me: "Nathan, what do you say?"

Nathan: "I hated it. The kids are a bunch of faggots."

Me: "Do not use that word. Period."

Nathan: "OK, it was boring and gay."

Me: "Nathan, that doesn't make sense. The book prefers the company of other male books? Come on, man."

Nathan: "I didn't like the kids in it, they were gay."

Me: "Fine. So you don't like the homosexual overtones of the book. I'll put that down. Fine."


Dumbass.

Bart Merridew

Time for my annual Simpsons Lesson Plan. This time I showed the episode entitled "Das Bus," a rather faithful parody of Lord of the Flies, which we recently finished reading. Beforehand, I asked students to predict which characters would be which.


Dan Webster: "I bet Bart is Jack, man mah nigga Bart go hard!"


Can't say I like the word choice but, fair play, Bart would make a good Jack.

Taboo

We're reading Lord of the Flies in class. I stop the class after we read this line:

"'Jack.' A taboo was forming round that word too."

Me: "Does anyone know what a taboo is?"

Jason Landry: "It's a no-no."

Me: "Yes! Something forbidden!"

Fred Pujols: "So like incest!" The class laughs.

Me: "Yeah, exactly--incest is a perfect example. Incest is taboo in our society because it is forbidden by our social customs."

Terry Drew pipes in. "Wait, I... I thought taboo was like... that wood... that wood that's like, hollow in the middle.."

Jason Landry: "No that's bamboo."

Laughter erupts. And I mean, rightly so. Point Terry.

I'm a grown-ass man

I recently got a much shorter haircut. The day after, I wore a corduroy blazer to school. (OK, so I really wanted to sell the haircut, we had a huge exam that day and I didn't want class to devolve into a 90-minute discussion on the length of my hair.)

Chester Dorm noticed the haircut and blazer when he turned the corner and laid eyes on me.

Chester: "Dang! Mr. Vonn gettin' his grown man on!"

Homoeroticism in Shakespeare's Sonnets

Two things you need to know about those computerized tests--the questions get more difficult based on how well you're doing, and there are 42 questions total. Tierra Ford was 31 questions in when she raised her hand to ask a question.

Tierra: "Mr. Vonn, how many questions does this test have?"

I could tell by her body language she was ready to be done.

Me: "Forty-two." I glanced at the screen and noticed Shakespeare's Sonnet 130, so I tried to encourage her. "Just eleven more, and you're doing really well if you're on Shakespeare at this point in the test. Good job, Tierra!"

Tierra: "Man this poem is gay!"


Now, wait--gay in the sense that many scholars have detected a distinct homoeroticism in Shakespeare's later sonnets? Or gay in the, say, Lord of the Flies, anything-with-printed-words-is-gay sense?

We may have an aspiring professor on our hands.

Logic Problem

We did computerized testing two classes ago. I promised the student with the highest score would receive a candy bar. Jason Landry won. Then, I was absent the following class. Here's what happened when I first saw Jason today:


Jason: "Mr. Vonn, you forgot my candy bar!"

Me: "Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't here Monday."

Jason: "Yeah, I wasn't here Monday either."


Just think about that for a second.

...

I can only assume he was disappointed when I didn't chuck a candy bar at him the split second I saw him today.