Mr. Vonn, signing on

I started this blog a year ago to chronicle the anticipated trials and successes of my first year as a teacher. Having mustered my typical amount of energy, this idea fizzled about mid-summer, when my graduate classes ended--before school even began.

This, I am now convinced, was a good thing. The first year is intriguing to the party involved but quite boring to those not. This is irrelevant, though; rather, I can't help remarking on the arrogance of the whole endeavor. Doubtless, I anticipated there would be opportunities for humor. I would be the witty bystander, cracking wise about the subtle ironies of teaching youth in the inner city. If I possessed a greater work ethic, this blog might have continued and induced the occasional laugh. But what good is that? Now, one year on, I see the flaw of my original design (which, to be fair, I couldn't have foreseen).

I'll be blunt: I am not as funny as the kids are. Period.

High school kids (I teach 10th grade English) run the gamut of personality type and trait; they are a mixture of irrationality, brashness, cockiness, and ineptitude, possessing varied--but always skewed--concepts of manners and morality, ever trying to one-up their peers or position themselves socially. It is impossible to generalize (see the last sentence), but fun to be specific. Toward that end, I've now decided on a new tact for this blog. I will not be the creative author; rather, I shall be the dutiful reporter. If the kids are funnier than I am, then let them be funnier.

An added bonus for me is that I am constantly trying to remember funny stories to tell people about my job. (I've gone so far as to write down exact quotes on scratch paper or even my own hand to ensure I don't forget a particular story by lunchtime at the teacher's lounge.) If anything, this site will help me become a better conversationalist.

As for now, it's summer break, so I don't see kids again until August. (Be leery of the person who says they're "teaching for the kids," as these people are either heavily medicated or sociopathic liars. We'd have to add some words to make that sentence true: "I am in it for the kids who I don't have to see for three-months paid over the summer.") Until then, I'll try my best to throw in some stories from memory--some funny, some just awkward, but all of them case studies in the peculiarities of American youth today.

As will become obvious in the entries to come, I really do love these kids. You can't help but love them. To paraphrase Bill Cosby, they say the damnedest things.

(Heads up--on the off chance that anyone more than my small circle of friends reads this website, I'll be changing names for purposes of privacy. So there.)